Keeping a divorce amicable will save you, your partner and your wider family from untold levels of stress. And it will save you both a bomb in legal fees and court costs. But that’s easier said than done when a relationship is falling apart.
Here are some key points to consider if you are forced to negotiate the treacherous swamp that is divorce.
Always consider your partner
Divorce is tough on everyone — you, your kids, your wider family and friends. And your partner!
Regardless of whose decision it was to dissolve the marriage, your partner is in pain too.
Always consider their feelings if you want to keep the divorce amicable.
Find it within yourself to not just feel but show some compassion and empathy for the other person, even when you may not feel like it.
Part of considering and showing respect for your partner is not beginning a new relationship while you are working on finalising the old one.
Bringing a third person into the equation isn’t fair on anyone and that includes your children who need to be shown the highest consideration.
Identify your goals
Knowledge is power so ensure you are well read on what lies ahead and the expectations of your partner in any divorce.
Try to establish some realistic goals that are fair and equitable for everyone.
If you are undecided about something, try giving it instead of taking it.
Is that painting or bluetooth speaker really worth fighting for?
Don’t get caught keeping score when closure and your peace of mind is the desirable outcome.
There are two sets of goals you need to think about, financial and personal:
Financial – Honesty is the key here. Use a spreadsheet and list all of your assets and liabilities and try to divide them up fairly, without trying to hide anything. Calculate how much you need to live and how much spousal support you’ll need to pay. If you are struggling, a divorce consultant can help you see things more objectively with a view towards keeping this out of the courts.
Personal – Think about what you want your life to look like at the end of this. What sort of relationship do you want with your ex-spouse? Consider what access you want to your children and under what terms. Where and in what sort of dwelling do you want to live and how will that impact them?
Mediation over Litigation
As soon as a Judge is involved in your divorce, you have lost control of your destiny.
Consider opting for mediation either via your lawyers or involving a neutral third party, a professional mediator, who could help you and your partner come to a peaceful and much less expensive resolution.
All conversations will remain confidential.
And a mediator will encourage you both to work together to arrive at a solution acceptable to all parties
This includes terms involving custody and visitation rights of your children.
A new beginning
Have faith in the process and each other and know that when you come out the other side, you are going to have a completely different relationship with your ex.
The goal is for it to be an amicable one as well.
You’ll need to show patience and bite your tongue at times because things won’t always go smoothly.
To avoid saying things which can be inflammatory, one of the best pieces of advice is to communicate with your ex via email rather than directly.
This gives you time to really craft a measured response to any situation rather than shooting from the hip.
Professional support
Know that there is no end of professional support which you can and should engage when needed.
Everyone from therapists to divorce coaches can help you traverse the choppy waters ahead, along with your essential, experienced lawyer and also a financial adviser.
Surround yourself with good people.
And maintain good mental and physical health through what will be a very testing time.
Contact us today
If you are facing a divorce or fear one may be approaching, it can be a very challenging time both emotionally and financially.
Talking to an experienced family lawyer is essential, especially if you want to keep your separation amicable and out of the courts.
Want to handle your divorce in the most efficient and effective way possible? Let’s talk.
Contact us today for a free, no obligation discussion about your needs.
The information contained on this article is general in nature and does not take into account your personal situation. You should consider whether the information is appropriate to your needs, and where appropriate, seek professional advice from a financial adviser.
Legal matters referred to on this website are of a general nature only and are based on Nicholas Boswell & Co Lawyers’ interpretation of laws existing at the time and should not be relied upon in place of appropriate professional advice. Those laws may change from time to time.